Edoropolis Emporium

After reading some of Formallykat's work, that I find to be some of the greatest SPC fic's that I've read, I've been thinking of some potental episodes that could have been in SPC, and I decided to take on the task of writing them out. These episodes, as i call them are meant to be standalone’s unless other wised noted, also most of the action will take place before the comet caper unless other wised notes. I hope you all will like it. and give me feedback, cause that's the only way a writer will know if people like it or not. I already have an idea that I'm working on for another one also that I might give a little preview for later on...

Episode 1: Real Cheese TV

Narrator: It was another fine and glorious day in Little Tokyo. Birds were chirping, kids were playing, and the Big Cheese was celebrating nature by staying indoors and enjoying his High Def TV.

Big Cheese is sitting on a couch flipping through channels.

Big Cheese: Seen it...seen it...seen it…

Narrator: Nothing good on?

Big Cheese: No, there isn't! Over 300 channels and nothing to watch, and half of the good stuff cuts into my yoga time, and I end up missing it!

Narrator: Why don't you get a DVR?

Big Cheese started to chuckle to himself: Once Jerry gets here with my new robot I won't need a VCR...

Narrator: That's DVR...

Big Cheese: Whatever... What's taking Jerry so long anyways? JERRY!

And as if on cue Jerry shows up with a robot that looks like a film director.

Jerry (panting): Sorry Cheesy, but I was just finishing watching the love boat, but anyways here's the new robot.

Big Cheese smiled as he looked at the robot: Good. Now my evil plan of going into the TV shows so that I can live the action will be realized!

Narrator: Doesn't sound that evil to me...   

Big Cheese (annoyed): Oh what do you know?

Narrator: More than you’ll ever know.

Big Cheese (raising his voice): Oh, yeah? Well if you were a villain bent on taking over Little Tokyo and had the ability to go into the TV and do what ever you want, what would you do?

Narrator: Hmm… maybe kidnap the princess and take her into the TV, and hold her for ransom or something?

Big Cheese chuckling: See, that’s what an amateur villain would do. I’m a super Villain! Ha, kidnap the princess…

Big Cheese looked over at Jerry and whispered: Did you get that?

Jerry: “and hold her for ransom or something,” got it, Cheesy.

Narrator: While Cheese comes up with a “genius” plan, let’s see what the Pizza Cats are doing…

Scene changes to the outside of the Pizza Parlor where there is a long line of people standing outside. Mama-san and Junior are reading a sign that’s posted on the window of the parlor.

Junior: What does it say Mama?

Mama-san looked closely at the sign and started reading it: “Today only Half-priced Himalayas!”

Junior looked up at Mama-san with a puzzled look on his face: Now they’re selling time-shares in the Himalayas?

Mama-san looked down at her son: I guess so, it’s probably just an old run down pizza Parlor in the Himalayas though.

Voice of the Narrator as the scene changes to inside the Pizza Parlor where Polly, Speedy, and Guido are delivering tall mounds of Ice Cream: Actually they sold that time share off a long time ago, what’s really happening is a half priced sale on the Pizza cats famous ice cream dish, also known as the Happy Himalaya!

Speedy and Guido are trying to hold up and deliver one small Happy Himalaya while Polly has three large ones.

Speedy: Sheesh Polly, how can you deliver these let alone make them?

Guido: Yeah? And how did we get this much Ice Cream anyways? Our Freezer isn’t that Big!

Polly: I don’t know what you guys are talking about. This is easy! And we wouldn’t have to be having this sale if two cats by the name of Speedy and Guido didn’t blow the fuse to the building.

Speedy: Me? It was all Guido’s fault! He’s the one that’s been watching TV for the pass 168 hours. All I did was plug-in my easy-bake oven and…

Guido cutting Speedy off: Hey I can’t miss my shows…Wait, what are you doing with an easy-bake oven?

Narrator: little did Guido know is that Speedy has been practicing his baking skills because the last time he attempted to bake something…well…let’s just say nobody sued.

Speedy: Did I say easy-bake? I meant…uh… my…my neon sign of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking someone in the face!

Guido: Oh yeah, I remember that…didn’t we get that at the same place we got those Ninja Masks?

Francine came in her hair looking like a mess (yelling at Speedy and Guido): Yeah, and I was drying my hair when you guys blew the fuse. Now stop shooting the breeze and get back to work before I roundhouse you guys into the unemployment line!

Both Guido and Speedy: Yes, sir!

They picked the small Happy Himalaya up and started to carry it to one of the customers.

After Polly delivered her ice cream to the tables she walked over to Francine.

Polly: So Francine what are you going to do about your hair?

Francine took out a bell shaped compact she had and started looking at her hair: With my hair dresser being out of town for a few days, Lucille said that she was going to take me to the person that does her hair.

Narrator: Polly was just about suggest to Francine that she should have someone else do her hair when everyone’s favorite Nuclear Geisha girl walked in.

Lucille: Hi everybody! Francine are you ready to…

Speedy and Guido interrupted her: Hey Lucille! Did you want to try some ice cream?

Before Lucille had the chance to respond Speedy took a spoon of ice cream and put it in Lucille’s mouth.

Speedy: Good, huh?
Lucille looked like she was in pain and she grabbed the sides of head.

Guido: What’s wrong Lucille? Wrong flavor?

Lucille (hatch on the top of her head opened up and screaming): BRAIN FREEZE!!!

A salvo of missiles came out and exploded everywhere, which made a mess of the shop.

Francine stood up looking at the mess (Angered): Great! Now you two tomcats have something else to add to your list! Come on Lucille let’s go…Polly you’re in charge.

Narrator: While they clean up the mess, let’s see if the Big Cheese is ready to put his totally original plan into action.

Scene changes back to Big Cheese’s room in the palace, only Jerry Attric and Bad Bird where there.

Bad Bird looked at Jerry with a confused look on his face: So why am I here, and not the Rude Noise?

Jerry: Because the Rude Noise is on tour right now and we need you specifically for something…

Narrator: Bad Bird was about to ask Jerry what that something was until…

Big Cheese and Princess Vi came into the room.

Princess Vi (excited): It’s him!

Bad Bird (scared for his life): It’s her!

Bad Bird was about to make a mad dash for the window and fly out when Princess Vi grabbed him by the arm and started to hug him tightly.

Princess Vi (hugging tighter and tighter): I knew you would come around and marry me!

Bad Bird (gasping for air): Can’t breath…Princess…Cutting off air…

Narrator: Now, as this was going on, Big Al who somehow heard about the Big Cheese’s plan was already on the phone calling the Samurai Pizza Cats!

(Scene shows Big Al sitting in front of his video phone calling the Pizza Cats. Scene cuts to Big Al’s point of view looking at the videophone. Speedy’s face pops up.)

Big Al: Speedy? Where’s Francine?

Speedy (has a worried look on his face, gets real close to the screen): Al…you’ve got to help us!

Big Al (confused): What are you talking about, Speedy?

Speedy: I don’t think I have much time…

Big Al (now worried): What is it?

Speedy: Its…its…P-Polly!

Big Al (Now really concerned): What’s wrong with Polly?

Speedy: She’s…making…me and Guido…WORK!

Big Al: What?

Speedy: Hurry Big Al! She's already got Guido…I don’t know how much time I…AHHHHH!!!

The screen goes black for a while, then there’s the sound of a gong being hit a couple of times, and then the screen comes back on with Polly holding a bent skillet.

Polly: Sorry…Speedy had to go on a special delivery…Oh, Big Al? What’s up?

Big Al: Big Cheese talked Vi into watching some movies with him, and I know he’s going to make trouble. I want you guy’s to go and stop him.

Polly: Right, Al!

Narrator: In order to avoid having to explain the whole situation as to who’s going to fire the Pizza Cats out of the cannon and maintain the building while they are gone let’s see what the Nefarious Neredowells are up to…

(Scene changes back to Big Cheese’s room, where Princess Vi still has Bad bird in a death grip)

Big Cheese: Right… See I told you the love of your life was going to be here, and he has something to show you…

Bad Bird: What? I don’t have anything to show her!

Big Cheese: Oh, don’t be shy.

Big Cheese walked over to a door and opened it to reveal the Robot Director.

Big Cheese: Princess Vi, Bad Bird would like to introduce you to his Director friend, Robert Kielberg. Did I mention he’s a Director?

Robert: Oh yeah, I see a lot of potential in this room!

As Princess Vi still holds onto Bad Bird, she walks over to Kielberg.

Princess Vi: Good. Now me and my sweetie here can have our own show like that one out of date rapper…What’s his name? Tasty Taste?

Big Cheese: That’s the spirit, Princess! We’ll get started right away.

Big Cheese gave a nod to Jerry and Jerry took the cables that were coming out of the Robert’s Camcorder and hooked them up to the TV.

Jerry: All right, Cheesy. Everything is ready!

Big Cheese: Good, Are you ready Princess?

Princess Vi: I’m ready for my close up Mr. Kielberg.

Bad Bird: Somebody help me! I didn’t sign up for this!

Robert: Quiet on the Set! Lights…Camera…AC

Narrator: Right before Kielberg was about to yell, “Action” the Samurai Pizza Cats decided on making a surprise cameo appearance.

Speedy, Polly, and Guido crashed in through the wall and right into Robert.

Speedy (getting up, still sore from the crash landing): So… Francine’s right it must be the cannon…

Polly and Guido (also getting up): Uh-uh

Big Cheese (Angered): What’s with you cats? Every time I’m about to do something you show up! Don’t you crazy feline’s have a life?

Speedy Polly and Guido looked at each other, and then at the Big Cheese.

Speedy: Oh…we have lives all right, let’s do our intros guys!

Big Cheese: Oh no, not that…again.

Guido (holding up his umbrella): We spend our lives making sure people like you can’t cause trouble.

Polly (just finishing playing her flute): It’s our sworn duties to be heroes, so I guess you can say we, (Blows a kiss) Love our work.

Speedy: So if it seems like we don’t have a life, we’re just doing our jobs as,

Speedy, Polly, and Guido (in Unison): Samurai Pizza Cats!

Speedy: All right, Cheese, the game is over! We’re not going to let you get into the TV so that you can brainwash everyone in Little Tokyo and take over!

Big Cheese: Brainwash? All I was going to do was hold Princess Vi for ransom or something…but I like your idea better. Hit It Kielberg!

Robert quickly got up from the ground and pointed the camera at Big Cheese and Jerry.

Robert: Action!

Speedy: Quickly before he gets away!

Speedy Polly and Guido made a dive for Big Cheese and Jerry. They collided, just as a beam shot out from Roberts camera and shot them. There was a big puff of smoke and in an instant Big Cheese, Jerry, Guido, Speedy, and Polly where gone.

Princess Vi (still not letting go of Bad Bird): Is this romantic my love? But where did they go?

Bad Bird: First off I’m not your love, and second they went into the TV…(starting to cry) and I wish I were with them.

Narrator: Through high tech, budget busting visuals that could only be described as the best thing to ever seen, we find everybody in black and white laying on the floor of a dusty old mansion.

Speedy (getting up a little dazed): Wh-where are we?

Polly getting up also: I don’t know. What happened to the color?

Big Cheese: Great, these colors don’t suit me at all.

Speedy got up from the ground and looked around at the old mansion.

Narrator: “We now return to “The Haunting of Old Lazy Eye.”

Speedy: Narrator? What are you doing here? Where are we?

Narrator: Speedy? I’m doing my job, narrating. It’s either me or that Morgan Freeman character, but I work for less. And you all are in, “The Haunting of Old Lazy Eye.”

Guido: The Haunting of Old Lazy Eye? Not anymore I’m not!

Guido walked towards the door and grabbed the handle.

Guido (Franticly trying to open the door): Hey, this thing won’t budge!

Narrator: That’s because, “Old Lazy Eye” nailed all the doors shut.

Polly: What’s so bad about Old Lazy Eye anyways, Guido?

Guido: You mean you haven’t heard of Old Lazy Eye? It was this old black and white film that’s still considered the scariest movie out there. Old Lazy Eye was this old man that lived in this mansion, he didn’t like visitors because they would always make fun of his lazy eye, then one day he disappeared and was never heard of again until some teens thinking it would be fun sneaked into his house to have a party…and…

Speedy (getting impatient): And what they got was the weirdest stare ever?

Guido: No…they…were killed…

Big Cheese: Well, thanks for that history lesson, come on Jerry let’s…

Big Cheese turned around expecting to see Jerry, but there was no one.

Big Cheese (worried): Jerry?

Guido: Seems like poor old Jerry has fallen victim to Old Lazy Eyes.
 
Laughter started to echo through out the hallways.

Speedy (scared): I wanna get outta here!

Guido: Don’t worry as long as we stay he…

Guido turned completely white and Polly and came over to see what’s wrong.

Polly (concerned): What’s wrong, Guido?

Guido slowly pointed towards where Speedy was standing, and Polly also started to look pale.

Big Cheese (also joining the group): What’s with you ca…

Speedy: What’s with you all?

Polly (whispering): S-Speedy don’t turn around…

Speedy, ignoring Polly’s advice turned around to see he was face to face with an elderly looking gentleman who’s one eye looked right at Speedy, and the other eye looked somewhere else, and in the old man’s hand he held a knife.

Speedy: AHHH!!! IT’S OLD LAZY EYE!!!!

(Scene changes back to the Big Cheese’s room where Princess Vi (Still not letting go of Bad Bird) is watching Speedy and the Gang gets chased by Old Lazy Eye)

Speedy (Voice From the TV): Somebody Help me!!!

Princess Vi (bored): This movie is so old, and the actors are second rate at best. Shall we watch something else my love?

Bad Bird (trying to chew his arm off): Why don’t you take a long walk off a short bridge?

Princess Vi: I love it when you say stuff like that!

Princess Vi picked up the remote and changed the channel

(Scene goes back to Speedy and the gang. They are all huddled in a corner as Old Lazy Eye was about to get them when suddenly they disappeared. Then a giant heart appeared on the screen.)

Narrator: “We Now return to I Love Polly, which is filmed in front of a live audience…and by live I mean some guy sitting in a chair pressing a button that’ll make it seem like the audience got the joke.”

Polly enters the front door wearing a dress and crowds of people clap as she enters.

Polly: Speedy? Where are you?

Speedy suddenly busts through the kitchen door wearing a blue suit with a red tie. Speedy has both of his hands on the tie as he tries to fight with it.

Speedy (gasping for breath): Tie…too…tight…

Polly (rushing over to help him): Here let me help…

Polly’s able to loosen the tie for Speedy.

Speedy: Thanks, kitten I really appreciate it.

Audience (sympatric): Awww…

Speedy (looking around the room): Where is that audience noise coming from?

The Doorbell rang, and Polly rushed over to get it hoping that it would be Guido, but instead…

Big Cheese (In a Dress identical to Polly’s) :I can’t believe this! You’re wearing the same thing as me to the ball!

Audience (Chuckling)

Polly: Oh, come off it. We have to figure out a way out of here, and where’s Guido?

Guido game into the room with a sick look on his face.

Speedy: What’s wrong with you?

Guido (handing Speedy a picture in a frame) :I got this from the other apartment I just came from.

Speedy looked at the picture and started laughing.

Speedy  (Laughing uncontrollably): Ha! I knew you’d two would make a fine couple!

Polly (Curious): Guido and who?

Speedy hands Polly the picture and the screen changes to Polly’s point of view looking at the picture. It’s a picture Of Guido in a Tuxedo and Big Cheese in a wedding dress standing behind a wedding cake.)

Polly (starting to crack up): Well… At least you two look happy… How was the Honeymoon?

Guido (annoyed): Very funny, guys. We have to figure out a way out of here, and for that matter how we where able to get out of that first show we where in.

Everyone turned their attention towards the Big Cheese who was admiring his dress.

Big Cheese (noticing the staring): What’s with you crazy cats now?

Speedy: Enough is enough Cheese. How do we get outta here?

Big Cheese thought for a moment before answering everybody.

Big Cheese: I don’t know…

Speedy: Great…so we could be trapped in here forever?

(Back in the Cheese’s room Big Al enters the room to find Princess Vi and Bad Bird watching TV.)

Big Al: What’s going on here?

Princess Vi: Me and my love are watching TV Al, come and join us!

Big Al: Where’s Big Cheese and the Samurai Pizza Cats?

Bad Bird: They got sucked into the TV.

Big Al: How are we going to get them out?

Bad Bird: Only Jerry knows how to get out and right now he’s on a different channel then everyone else is.

Big Al: Well we have to try and find him!

Princess Vi picked up the remote and changed the channel again.

(Scene changes to everybody sitting in a chair on a talk show.)

Narrator: We now return to: “Conspiracy Hour with John Smith”

In the far right chair a bald headed man sat in a chair with his legs crossed.

John: Thank you for joining us. For today we have Guido Anchovy.

Guido: Thank you John. Today I want to talk to you about the refrigerator light conspiracy. Why is it that the light goes out every time you close the door? Well, after months of research I have come to the conclusion that it’s the Mole men.

Speedy and Polly (in unison): Oh brother…

Back in the Big Cheese’s room Big Al was starting to get impatient.

Big Al: Hmm…maybe if we start channel surfing…

Narrator: As Big Al started to begin channel surfing Francine was…

(Scene changes to Francine sitting in one of the chairs as her hair is being done. Lucille is sitting next to her.)
Lucille: So what do you think?

Francine: I have to admit that these so called salons aren’t just an excuse to take your money.

Lucille: I’m so happy to hear you say that. Wanna watch some TV while we wait?

Francine: Sure.

Lucille picked up the remote and turned the TV on.

Narrator: Like Kitty litter pouring from a hole in the litter box we now return to, “The Days of our Nine Lives".

Lucille: I love this show!

(Scene changes to a male and female cat standing in the living room.

Male cat (overacting): Why, why Felicia? Why can’t you marry me?

Felicia with tears rolling down her face: Because Romeo, I’m in love with your twin Brother!

The Scene cut’s to a picture of Guido who was standing near the kitchen, and Felicia runs up and Grabs him.

Lucille (Surprised): Guido is Romeo’s Twin Brother?

Francine (angered): Guido, what is he doing on TV when he should be at work?

Lucille: Let’s see what else is on.

Lucille changed the channel again.

(Scene shows the TV changing channels, and showing Speedy, and a Samurai facing each other.)

Narrator: We now return to, “Dueling Samurais of Dumpling Lake.”

Speedy’s lips can be seen moving and after five seconds someone’s voice can be heard creating a bad voice over.

Speedy (lips not matching what he’s saying or doing): Ha! You have disgraced my Family, by not including the Dumplings in our meal, Ha! Prepare to feel my vengeance, as we engage in battle, Ha! To see who shall have the honor, Ha!

As this is being said, Speedy actually has a confused look on his face, and is trying to figure our where he is, and who’s speaking for him.

Lucille: I loved this movie but I don’t remember Speedy ever being in it.

Francine (taking out her calculator): This is coming out of there paycheck!

Lucille changed the channel again and this time it was a commercial.

Narrator: And now back to, “The Taste of Love.”

(Scene shows Polly sitting in one of the confessional booths with her Name underneath her, that read, “Polly Ester, Female Feline Super heroine)

Polly: So when it came time for me to kiss Tasty Taste, I think I threw up a little bit.

(Scene shows Polly sitting next to dog that had a lot of gold in his mouth and a digital watch around his neck trying to kiss Polly.)

Lucille: I didn’t know Polly was into Tasty Taste?

Francine (surprised to see Polly): If they’re on TV who’s manning the Pizza Parlor?

Lucille changed channels again.

Narrator: Hey do you have a headache every day?

Francine: I’m starting to get one right now…

Narrator: Then there’s the New and Improved Head On apply directly to the forehead!

(Scene shows a human hand with a roll of Head-On applying it constantly to Big Cheese’s head)

Big Cheese (in Pain) :Oww! Oww! Stop! I said Stop! You’re giving me a headache!

Big Cheese starts to turn red and explodes.

Narrator: So Remember, That’s Head-On Apply directly to the forehead! Head-On Apply directly to the forehead! Head-On Apply directly to the forehead! Head-On Apply directly to the forehead!

Lucille: I hate that commercial. That stuff never worked for me…

She changed the channel again and once the show popped up Lucille set down the remote.
Lucille: I love this Show; I’m the second member of their Fan Club!

(Scene shows Big Cheese, Polly, Guido, and Speedy on a cruise liner)

Speedy was glad to see that his friends where with him.

Speedy: Polly, Guido! I’ve been on the weirdest episodes.

Polly: Yeah me too, Tasty Taste tried to kiss me but I showed him what for, what about you Guido?

Guido had a smirk on his face: Every place that I’ve been to the girls where all over me. I even made it onto a triple…

Big Cheese was getting annoyed that whoever was holding the remote put him into the Head-On commercial.

Big Cheese: That Stupid Head-On commercial gave me a headache. Once I find Jerry I swear I’m going to…

Narrator: We Now Return To, “The Love Boat.”

Big Cheese: The Love Boat this is where Jerry has to be!

And as if on cue Jerry walks onto the Deck.

Speedy: Look It’s Jerry!

Jerry: I see you’ve guys decided on coming over to the Love Boat marathon!

Guido: Cut the small talk Jerry, we want to know how to get out of here!

Jerry: There are two ways to get out of here. The first is to have the escape button, but I threw that into the ocean…

Everyone: You what?!?

Jerry: I was enjoying myself why would I want to leave? And the second would be to press the eject button on the VCR Kielberg is plugged into.

Narrator: As soon as Big Al heard that he leapt into action and pressed the eject button, and in a special effect that cost me a significant amount off my paycheck every one was back in Little Cheese Room.

Speedy was the first one to get up and he instantly went into his Cat’s Eye Slash finisher.

Speedy: This robot is way to powerful for someone like you to have it!

As Speedy was just about to send the Cats Eye Slash towards the Robert Kielberg he yelled: Light’s, Camera, Action!

Robert Exploded into tons of parts and after the dust cleared Speedy twirled his swords and crossed them and Guido and Polly joined with a pose.

Princess Vi (holding on to Bad Bird): Now that was some great TV! Wouldn’t you say my love?

Bad Bird (Crying): I wish I was that robot…

Narrator: Later that Evening back at the Pizza Parlor Speedy, Polly, and Guido had just finished cleaning up when an angry looking Francine came in with a Hair style similar to Lucille’s.

Francine: I saw you guys on TV today and knew you weren’t here! So I have one thing to say about that!

Speedy: what’s that?

Francine (yelling): PAYCUT!!!!

A hatch on top of Francine’s head opened up and a bunch of Missiles came out and made a mess of the Pizza Parlor.

Speedy (coughing up some smoke): Cut…Print…That’s a wrap…

Speedy fell down to the ground, and scene goes black.

Narrator: And now it’s time for the Pizza Cat Fan Club Oath!

Big Cheese: The Pizza Cat’s are Samurai and I’d like to note,

Jerry: Their antics take your breath away…

Big Cheese: Like fur balls in your throat!

Speedy: We kitten’s are a special breed, we never call retreat,

Polly: When ever the Big Cheese knock’s us down we land upon, (Blows a kiss) our feet!

Narrator: So, hail to thee or Pizza Cat, please ring your little bell, although you may be pen and ink, we know you’ll fight like,

Speedy, Polly, and Guido in unison: Pizza Cats!

*claps* well done, definitely your best so far! I hope people give this a shot ;)

really, I like every single joke of bad bird XD
also a very good story. I was really curious about were jerry was. you also found a good part were you could let cheese explode, I never could came up on that.
keep up the good work ;)