Ye Olde 36 Statements Thread

Just importing another old thread of mine from the old Proboards forum. Here's the best of my 36 Statements.

1) Will they ever find a cure for Deja Vu?
2) The years between 0 and 1982 sucked. Then there was me.
3) Isn't Rip Torn the funniest celebrity name you've ever heard?
4) If you belive in telekinesis, raise my hand.
5) This week's STEAL THIS SONG download: "I Get Around" - Tupac Shakur
6) Wanna render the segway's technology obsolete? Bam! Add a third wheel.
7) Whenever you get in trouble, blame it on the guy who can't speak English.
8] Worst commercial message ever: Fabio's "I can't believe it's not butter!"
9) Slinky + escalator = endless fun.
10) If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
11) Making money by lying face-flat on the sidewalk with a tip jar next to you isn't stealing.
12) Save the alligators. It'll make senior citizens think twice about flocking to Florida.
13) Ninjas are teh awsum.
14) If you're gonna swear in front of kids, use complicated words that they won't be able to pronounce.
15) I walk a thousand deserts only to find a half-eaten donut.
16) If Batman is so rich why doesn't he hire Superman to kill the bad guy for him?
17) Wisconsin is the cheese state. Think about it.
18) If the Clapper switch is activated by clapping sounds, then wouldn't the lights turn on and off repeatedly at the sound of a fart since a fart is really the sound of your buttocks clapping each other several times?
19) Who invented the top ten? The Bible or David Letterman?
20) No, my username's not a typo. I intentionally spell 'method' with an 'i'. ["OMG METHID MADE A SERIOUS QUOTE WTF?"]
21) We all have a mission in life, we get into different ruts. Some are the cogs on the wheels, others are just plain nuts!
22) Spam? I like the turkey kind.
23) A train leaves point A travaling at 80 miles an hour. Another train leaves point B travaling at 65 miles an hour. They are both going to point C. Using the information given, what is the capital of Florida?
24) If we weren't supposed to hit street performers with our cars, why did God put them there?
25) Work harder. Those on welfare are depending on you.
26) Shaving tip: shave against the grain for a really close shave. The irritated skin is worth it.
27) Wardrobe malfunction - an excuse for uptight censors to impose 'decency' on the public so they don't lose beer and lingerie sponsors. (See also: Janet Jackson)
28) The key to life is in my back pocket. Too bad I can't reach it...
29) Don't trust anyone named 'Shakakahn'.
30) If you can't find success in the U.S., there's always Canada...
31) Stop reading this sentence.
32) Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
33) I just finished listening to Phil Collins and suddenly I have the urge to be a bald headed, British ape who bangs the drums like a retard and scribbles pictures of zebras rubbing against an oatmeal box.
34) Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
35) Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day. Beat a man over the head with a fish and you'll laugh all day.
36) << My favorite number.

-- Sam the Methid Man